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have you read halberstam's (tiny) response to freud talking about death drive in queer art of failure? he writes abt the masochist in her relationship to the death drive as one who "refuses to fortify herself against the knowledge of death and dying, and seeks instead to be out of time altogether, a body suspended in time, space, and desire." you in conversation with jack is making me think of s+m (and maybe gay life) as running into the avoidable discomfort and therefore eroticizing the inevitability of death, bc not thinking about it feels so beyond anything the sadist or masochist could imagine (or maybe they imagine it but it's boring and not worth doing).

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