David Davis

body scan

Body scan

Hair: I bleach it myself about two times per month. Professional bleaching is a luxury expense, but if you know how to do it, it’s really cheap and not so difficult. I don’t know what I would do if I wanted long hair, though—my process would absolutely wreck it, Olaplex or not. Luckily for me, I knew from the age of 18 that I would never grow it out again. Right now I’m getting it cut by either this dyke barber around the corner, or by my boyfriend, also about two times per month.

Head: After many years of daily cannabis use (primarily edibles, because I hate coughing), I stopped entirely about two weeks ago, save a puff off Jade’s joint to come down from some Pride drugs. I think it’s because my siblings came to visit me in New York last month, and while they were here I found myself wanting to use it it like I did when I visited them at my mom’s home, an experience that required complete dissociation for me to survive without committing assault. While I was happy to see them, I was also nervous; I wanted to eat so much weed that I wouldn’t have to hear or speak or think. But I resisted the impulse and enjoyed their company instead, and I’m glad I did. After that, stopping just sort of happened, though I miss it during certain transitional times: clocking off work, driving to Riis. But socializing without it is actually easier, and I’ve begun to dream again, every night.

Shoulders: After Charlotte Shane recommended Rolfing in one of her Instagram stories, I had an intake with a provider for my chronic shoulder pain, which has come and gone for several years. We talked about how scar tissue from top surgery (which I had twice, due to a botched procedure that was one of the most traumatizing events of my life) has likely affected the alignment of my body¹ . Scar tissue is amazing, the provider said. It holds our body together for us after trauma. But it’s also rigid by design, so we often need help helping our bodies resettle. I haven’t gone yet, because after our intake, the current wave of pain suddenly went away, as it occasionally does. I guess I’ll wait for it to come back before I try again.

Stomach: I’ve only had coffee so far today, but I’ve been eating a lot big, beautiful salads on account of the hot weather, and plan on having another for lunch. Lately I’ve been making this vegan Caeser dressing, which really does just take five minutes. If I don’t have hummus on hand, I just use chickpeas, or some other canned white bean. Red cabbage and some greens or herbs (arugula or cilantro or dill, usually), carrots, cherry tomatoes, and pepitas or peanuts or walnuts if they’re handy. Since I didn’t eat breakfast today, I’ll probably throw some grilled tofu in there for protein.

Ass: I used to run. Now that I’ve accepted that it’s pretty bad for you—especially if you’ve been doing it for one hundred years, like I have—I’ve replaced it with yoga and calisthenics. Years ago, I read an interview with Dita Von Teese, who said her exercise routine was walking and jumping on a trampoline, and that’s kind of my vibe these days, tbh. That being said, though having a boy butt is endlessly pleasing to me, I’ve been trying to juice it up with squats. There’s no need for another essay on the pressures to be “fit,” in particular for people on the transmasculine side of things, but I no longer feel as if I must be buff or shredded to be okay. I don’t think we should look to cis people to feel at home in our bodies, but I don’t think we shouldn’t, either, if that makes sense; my working definition of gender is that it is the people you want to be like, and the gender I want to be includes both cis and trans people. I notice fem cis gay men whose proportions and muscle/fat distributions are similar to mine, thanks to testosterone, and that makes me feel good. I lost my entire family (other than three of my siblings) and blew up my life to look like a soyboy—and I fucking like it!

Feet: No body is symmetrical, but my right foot is significantly bigger than my left, which means buying shoes is a total bitch. All my digits are uncommonly long, which means my fingers have an elegant, Rachmaninovian wingspan, but it also means that my toes are freakish in length (you win some, you lose some), another annoying consideration. I’ve been wondering if I should just bite the bullet and become one of those people who buys their shoes in different sizes, but I just can’t bring myself to do it yet. Maybe someday.

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1. I was raised Evangelical, so chiropractic was a big part of my life growing up. Don’t worry, I know it’s hooey.