There is no "safe," part 6 ½

my guide for vetting sadists, dominants, and tops

Last time, I wrote about the difference between fantasy and reality in terms of SM. I also wrote about fantasy and reality terms of safety, and the way that post-traumatic fantasies of control can make it more difficult to assess risk and build intimacy, two skills crucial for protecting ourselves and those in our communities.

TL;DR: if your SDAT cannot tell the difference between what they desire/fear and what is actually happening/may happen, they are not prepared for safer play—especially if that play is heavy.